Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: Why Teen Boys Are Silent About Their Mental Health Struggles
Mental health is becoming an issue of concern for many parents, teachers, and anyone who works with adolescents. There seems to be a rising trend among teens about caring about mental health and taking care of themselves emotionally. Tik tok, Instagram, and countless social media posts discuss mental health and its importance.
Has all this awareness increased teen engagement in therapy? To be honest, some. It is a great thing that mental health is becoming a mainstream conversation, but it still carries a stigma. Many teens, especially boys, struggle to discuss their mental and emotional health and aren't involved in therapy.
Teen Boys Are Not Immune to Mental Challenges
This issue is vital because teen boys are not immune to mental health challenges. Anxiety and depression affect teen boys; however, they don't discuss it as much. Teen boys have viewed talking about mental health as "don't ask, don't tell." Often, no one outside of a teen's family knows they are struggling and seeking help.
We need to discuss this issue to raise awareness of mental health for teen boys and understand what they face regarding mental and emotional health.
The Culture of Silence Around Mental Health for Teen Boys
As previously mentioned, the stigma seems to be breaking down, but it isn't gone. Athletes and artists like Michael Phelps, Kevin Love, Kid Cudi, and Justin Beiber have expressed their struggles with mental health and how therapy has helped them live happier and healthier lives. While the stigma is breaking down, it hasn't reached the micro level yet. Many teen boys, especially student-athletes, don't discuss their mental health struggles.
Teen boys are learning what masculinity means and how to grow into a man. Many teen boys see masculinity as strength, competitiveness, emotional restriction, and group identity. The culture reinforces this idea that men are successful and driven, and when they struggle, they push through. "Push through the pain" is something countless student-athletes hear. Teen boys feel the pressure not to have exposed weaknesses. Being emotionally vulnerable could expose them to being the brunt of a joke, or worse, only experiencing silence from the other person.
Many Teens Feel Pressured To Stay Silent
Teen boys feel pressured to stay silent about their struggles because no one talks about having them. They may hear someone say that they have been to therapy BEFORE or have PREVIOUSLY struggled with mental health. Still, teen boys don't often hear from someone struggling NOW or in therapy NOW.
Teens need to have therapy and mental health normalized during the process rather than something someone did to overcome. Because it is not discussed as an everyday experience, teen boys feel that they should stay silent about their struggles.
Another reason teen boys stay silent about their struggles is the potential ridicule. As mentioned previously, most teens fear ostracization from their peers. Adolescence is all about group identity and belonging. A teen doesn't want to do anything that might expose himself to ridicule or being different from the group, which causes teens to stay silent. Because many boys are not taught how to hold emotional space, in the rare event that a teen tells his friend that he is struggling, he will often be met with, "That stinks; want to go do something?"
The Impact of the Culture of Silence on Teen Boys
Teens struggle to believe anyone would be there to support them, so they need to stay silent. Not feeling like there is support can have potentially serious consequences. The rates of anxiety and depression have substantially risen among adolescents since 2020.
When boys feel like they can't talk about what is happening and have higher rates of anxiety and depression, this can contribute to a negative cycle. Many boys feel like no one understands, so they keep quiet. This reinforces the cycle of isolation and loneliness, increasing anxiety and depression.
Many boys push their negative emotions down until they can't handle them anymore. This often affects men most when they are well into adulthood and when the pressures of life continue to mount. Because boys don't learn skills to manage anxiety, when challenges occur later in life, men might not know how to handle those challenges.
When boys feel it isn't ok to talk about what is happening or what they are experiencing, it can create long-term consequences.
Barriers to Teen Counseling and Seeking Help
Teen boys are struggling and know they need help. What are the barriers to starting teen counseling in Atlanta, GA?
Fear of Judgment or Stigma.
As previously mentioned, there is fear for teen boys that they will be viewed differently. Many boys feel their friends won't be able to help them if they tell them they are struggling. Maybe their friends won't invite them out as much anymore, or if they tell somebody, there will be silence. Many teen boys wonder what it means about them if they go to teen counseling The stigma of teen counseling and the fear of judgment from peers can be enough to keep many teens from seeking help.
Lack of Knowledge About Mental Health Resources.
Finding a therapist is hard. Many teens don't know who to talk to or where to go for help. If a teen is considering therapy, there is an enormous barrier to starting.
Teens may be asking:
Who do I choose?
What is the therapist's style, and will it work for me?
These are essential questions to ask, and the answers aren't always easy to find, which leaves many teens and their parents to give up the search for teen counseling.
Feeling Like They Have to Handle Their Problems on Their Own.
A third barrier to seeking help is that many boys feel like they should be able to handle their challenges independently. Our culture has a high value on boys being strong, and going to teen therapy can feel weak. While therapy is one of the most important things a boy can do, it is also scary. Some men have shared that they would instead run 40 miles than face their inner worlds.
Therapy doesn't have to make you feel weak. It can make you feel strong. If the therapy is geared toward teen boys and men, it can be one of a teen boy's best experiences. Nevertheless, there is still a belief that young men should handle problems independently, which keeps many guys from seeking help.
Breaking the Silence: Strategies to Encourage Teen Boys to Speak Up
There are ways to break the silence and encourage teen boys to speak up.
Create Safe Spaces
One of the first ways is to create safe spaces for discussion. Parents can help by incorporating weekly one-on-one mental and emotional health check-ins. Boys crave nurture more than most people realize.
They desire someone else to listen to them and hear what their life is like because they don't always get it from their peers. Teen counseling also provides a safe place for discussion. Because teen counseling is confidential, it is a TEEN'S space. It is their space to feel safe being completely honest.
Encourage Positive Role Models
A second way to break the silence is by encouraging positive role models. Parents can talk about how counseling helps them. Parents can help point out organizational and community leaders that positively talk about mental health, whether at school, church, clubs, or anything else.
Provide Education and Resources For Them To Use
Teen boys also need education and resources. Parents and teachers can normalize discussing mental health and its importance in overall wellness. Many schools have self-referrals, and parents can have an open-door policy with their teen where their teen knows that if they are ever struggling, their parents will find them a therapist. The best things adults can do is raise awareness and normalize, normalize, normalize.
Teens can also follow social media accounts that prioritize men's mental health. June is Men's Mental health month, and many accounts will raise awareness of this issue at that time. Parents can send posts from accounts to their teen boys to help them think of ways to care for their mental health just like they do their physical health.
Getting Started With Teen Counseling For Teen Males
Teen boys are at a tipping point, and addressing their mental health is crucial. Understanding why teens keep silent and how to break the silence is important. Some important things to remember are:
Teen boys often keep silent about their mental health struggles because they want to avoid stigma, don't know how to get help if they want to, and believe they should handle problems alone.
Normalizing mental health and talking about it often with trusted caregivers can help break the silence.
Finding a teen therapist who understands how to work with teen boys and can tailor therapy to their needs is essential.
Ash Blanton, Teen Therapist in Atlanta, GA
At Ember Counseling Atlanta, we specialize in working with teen boys and young adult men. It is such a time of transition, bringing newness and pressure to have everything figured out. This leads to an increase in anxiety and depression. At Ember Counseling Atlanta, we work to incorporate activity into our therapy to match a teen boy's relational style. Through our experience working with hundreds of teen boys and young adult men, finding a therapist that gets YOUR teen boy matters.
If you are interested in getting help for your teen, Learn more about Teen Counseling Here:
Interested in Teen Counseling in Atlanta, GA?
As a parent, you worry about your teen’s mental health. At Ember Counseling Atlanta, I will help your teen prioritize his mental health and learn the coping skills he needs to manage his struggles. Don't let the stigma around seeking help prevent your teen from getting the support he needs to thrive. To get started follow these three simple steps:
Contact us to get your son scheduled with an appointment
Meet with me, Ash Blanton, teen therapist in Atlanta, GA
Begin to see positive changes in your son’s mental health!
Other Services at Ember Counseling Atlanta
To help better support your son, teen counseling isn’t the only service I offer at my Atlanta, GA counseling practice. I provide both in-person and online therapy in Atlanta, GA. Services include anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and family counseling. I also provide an Intensive Three-Day Counseling Workshop for those who want to speed up the healing process. Check out Ember Counseling Atlanta’s blog and FAQs for more information!
